Cody: Why don't you like my mom?
Me: I like your mom!
Cody: She doesn't have enough to offer you, does she?
Me: What's that mean?
Cody: You only have so much room in your life for people. If someone doesn't have something to offer, you just don't let them in.
Pause.
Me: Just be glad I had an opening a few years back.
I recently devoted 2013 to finding new people in my life. I chalked my lack of good people up to a new crop of babies (see http://codyandkaty2010.blogspot.com/2013_03_01_archive.html) or people just not being interested in being friends like all the cool people on tv (see also http://codyandkaty2010.blogspot.com/2013_01_01_archive.html).
After the above conversation with Cody, I realized that I'm a friend diva. I expect a lot out of the people I consider my friends and in turn require an extensive commitment from someone before I "let them in" as Cody puts it. I'm starting to think that I don't have a waiting line of friends because word has gotten around that I require a boot camp like initiation into the friend zone. I require endless conversations about ridiculously depressing or over talked about topics (i.e. men, the existence of god, my entire high school sports career, terminal illness, fate, destiny, and why we are really here). I expect text messages to be answered in the utmost timely manner. I need you to watch at least half of my favorite tv shows which all come on premium cable channels. I need you to thereafter analyze my favorite characters in those shows...also in a timely manner. I like to hang out at least twice a month. I'd prefer you to not have children. I need to like your husband/significant other as much as you. Democrat over Republican. Dogs over cats. A user of correct grammar. Willing to travel when I want you to. No country music fans. No smoking. No loud breathing (no, I'm not kidding). And a propensity for a well-timed curse word or caddy remark is a bonus.
I know, right? Quite the exhaustive list of characteristics in a friend. Cody made me realize that I am impossible to be friends with due to the above mentioned traits of my perfect friend. I'm a friend diva. Cody tried to describe my extensive screening process for important people as me having a high barrier to entry (Cody is really into business stuff lately. Barrier to entry refers to the obstacles present when starting a new business). I expect the best and only the best. I need to have real conversations with real people about things that matter in this big wide world. I don't have time for acquaintances and superficial chatter. In other words, I have a high barrier to entry when it comes to letting people in my life. Surprisingly, I think Cody is completely accurate.
In honor of Cody highlighting my high barrier to entry, I have decided to revamp my friend resolution for 2013. I don't want to find new friends necessarily. Instead, I want to start being more appreciative of the ones that I have. I want to stop requiring so much of my people and instead focus on all of the good they bring to the table. I have good friends and good people. I have never questioned this. I have just lost focus of what is right in front of me. I have let the changes that naturally happen to people impact my relationship with them. I assume everyone has as much time on their hands to cultivate deep, meaningful relationships with me as i have to cultivate relationships with other people. Not every person has to be the person. Maybe the answer is to roll with the punches a little better and accept that each person is good for something. I need to start finding the good that everyone around me has to offer. Even my mother-in-law who I need to work on allowing in a little more. Or some at all.
New 2013 resolution: stop being a friend diva.
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