When I was in Mrs. Loyd's third grade class, we were required to write a paragraph about what we wanted to be when we grew up. As a nine year old, I explained (in near perfect penmanship by the way) that I dreamed of being two things as an adult: an NBA player and a mom. My mom still has this assignment tucked away in a box somewhere. In high school she used to mention this assignment if ever I found some success as a basketball player. I think my mom loved the dichotomy of her child. She appreciated the relentless athlete mixed in with something as cute as a little girl wanting to be a mom.
I remember wholeheartedly thinking that I could make it to the NBA. I dominated kids at Nancy Orr Girls Club as a child. A head taller than most with a bit of coordination equaled some pretty impressive Saturday afternoons on the hardwood. Nonetheless, the older I got the more reality set in. I eventually shed the impossibilities of the NBA, and I altered my goals to include much more realistic athletic achievements.
However, over the years I never faltered in my second dream. The idea of being a mom has always been something I want. I think this is only natural as the daughter of Patsy Schrodt. My mom has always made evident to my brother and me that being a mom is the best thing she's ever done. I was never one to imagine my wedding day. I didn't envision a perfect husband. After my NBA hopes were dashed, I was never particularly sold on a professional path (still not sold). I've never known a whole lot of what I want to do...besides be a mom, like my mom.
What's funny about all of this is that I have never been very motherly. I don't exude maternal instinct. I have never spent much time around babies. I don't even like kids a whole lot for the most part. I have just always assumed that I would like (love) my kids. When I met Cody, I had an even stronger desire to have our kids. I am mesmerized with the idea of creating life. I am fascinated with the idea of having a baby that might look like me (or Cody) or talk like me (or Cody) or laugh like me (or Cody). Literally, I think reproduction is the most mind-boggling part of existing. It is bound to be why we are here. Right?
I realize you're wondering what I'm getting at here...Recently, Cody and I have found ourselves at a bit of a reproductive stand still. We are still trying to sort out all of the specifics, but in very general terms we have determined that getting pregnant for us will not be as simple as we both once thought it would be. I will eventually communicate the actual medical issues that we (I) am facing. It's still a little early in the process to start explaining a whole lot.
At first I was extremely hesitant with the idea of sharing fertility details. I realize that we are all a little uneasy with words like "ovary" or "cervix" or "uterine lining." In turn, we are naturally hesitant to share stories about getting pregnant. However, I have spent the last few months dipping my toe in the infertility waters and have found that it can be a lonely place. (i.e. my infertility comfort has mainly come from Khloe Kardashian and Guiliana Rancic. Not acceptable.) Since I don't have a reality TV show, I figure I will do my part in using my words (even the uncomfortable ones) to talk about something that unfortunately impacts a lot of people.
I will eventually tell my story.
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