34 Weeks

I am thirty-four weeks pregnant today. This whole thing is suddenly flying by. I have done a terrible job of writing about most of this. As anyone who reads this blog can tell, I'm much more inclined to write about the bad than the good and thankfully this pregnancy has been pretty easy.

We have narrowed this child's name to two options. Middle names are still up in the air. I thought deciding on a name after I give birth seemed like a good approach, but I'm starting to worry that labor and delivery may be so overwhelming that I'll give in to any name that is suggested. I may try to have this decided before then.

This little person's room is nearly complete. All of the big pieces are in place at least. In a perfect world, I will take some pictures of it and post them to remember this process. However, I've started to feel a definite shift toward being less worried about all of the extra stuff associated with babies and trying to actually prepare myself to be a parent. The arrangement of frames on a wall are slowly being moved down my list of worries.

We have been to a childbirth class and a breastfeeding class. I have read and read and read about how to do parenthood. I really hope I can successfully breastfeed, but it is probably my biggest worry at this point. Cody has been so supportive and present through this entire process. He should get some sort of award for being an above average man.

We are still working on a pediatrician. I still don't have a car seat installed. I don't know how to use half of the gear that has been purchased, but we have it nonetheless.

I keep telling myself that once a doctor hands me the child that my body has been creating for the past nine months suddenly I will not worry about whether I should buy gowns or onesies. I won't care if all of his clothes are organized in drawers according to size. I won't have time to worry about all of the little stuff that I spend my time considering now. I'll be a mother and Cody will be a father and we will have to collectively figure out how to work this little human into our lives. The logistics of what that looks like on an everyday basis will have to be worked out once he arrives.

I resigned from my job this week. I will not be employed next school year. I will instead spend my time taking care of a baby. I resigned not because I know that motherhood will be worth not having a professional life. I resigned because a lot of people around me vouch for the fact that motherhood is a worthwhile (if not more valuable endeavor) than working. I resigned because I don't know exactly what is about to happen to me, but I know that it is theoretically bigger than most anything else that ever has happened to me. I know that I can always go back to work, but I won't ever be able to give birth to my first child again. I resigned because I think I will love this tiny person more so or at least differently than any other person I have ever loved and hopefully that love will be enough to sustain me without a career in which to invest my time and energy...there's so much left to be answered in the next few months of my life. I hope I get it right or that I at least get it.