I was (note the past tense) so very impressed with myself throughout this entire wedding process for not overanalyzing every tiny detail of every experience. I didn't get caught up in the "I'm getting so old, my life is spinning out of control game" that I often times find myself in during times of immense change. I even handled the post-wedding reality set-in. I was very fortunate to have a summer as an educator to get married in that allowed the weeks after June 19th to be spent like Cody and I were 18 again. We watched movies all night, slept til noon, and did as little as we possibly could. Life for the past 6 weeksish has been pretty sweet.
However, as all times of stress free existence do, my summer of leisure has come to a screeching halt. I have found myself thrown into the tornado of "I'm old." I am currently mid-spin, eye of the storm (yes, I know that's a hurricane reference), hunker down in the bathtub with the mattress on top of you mode. I am overwhelmed.
This all began to strike me about the time I decided to turn 24 years old. Cody and I had some friends over for a birthday/housewarming celebration. We had a great time. Everything went well. But at some point during the night, I looked around the living room of my home filled with my couple friends (once you get old, you only hang out with couples) made eye contact with my husband smiled at my fur children and sipped my glass of wine and realized this isn't 2004 anymore.
My birthday was only the beginning of my turmoil. Here recently I have also been forced to go back to work. As a teacher I am faced with the perpetual label of Mrs. _______ or Coach ________ at all times. Even when students are not around, teachers still have a hard time socializing like the rest of Americans who call each other by their first names. The past few days I have been bombarded with "Hey, Coach Schro...oh wait, it's not Schrodt anymore. What is it now?" comments. I have had my mail box relabeled in the teacher's lounge. The name by my classroom door says Prater instead of Schrodt. I was forced to complete an assignment in alphabetical order as a "P." I have had every username I have ever possessed reset and thus compiled of something Prater related. IT IS EVERYWHERE!!! It's almost laughable. One of the women who consider not changing their name has had the name change process completed for her. I am officially Coach Prater. I get it.
The whole process is so weird. I literally feel like I have no idea where my life has gone. I had a professor in college who used to always remark on how difficult it is to turn a year older as a teacher but to come to work every day to kids who are always 15. They don't get old. They move on and you are reloaded with another group of kids in the exact same place as the ones you had before. I am faced with the innocence of adolescence on a daily basis. I am faced with the youthfulness that I have finally realized I no longer have like I used to. I am married. I am not 22. I am no longer Schrodt. And I am a little bit lost.
I need a minute to breathe...
And then I was reminded that often times in the midst of chaotic Katy mode there is often a light at the end of the tunnel. Here recently I have been blessed with a resolution to a mess that I have been reliving for about 6 years now. Something that simply didn't go the way I wanted it to go has been resolved for all to enjoy, most importantly me. I have recently been reminded by the most unlikely of candidates that "everything happens for a reason." Oddly enough, that same tidbit of advice was given to me by the person involved in my self-inflicted mess 6 years ago, but I simply didn't listen. I wasn't old enough to understand. This experience of restitution could only be appreciated by 24 year old Katy...Schrodt.
Maybe we all get old. Maybe we don't appreciate our youth while we've got it (I know, I know, I'm not that old). Maybe we make decisions that haunt us for 6 years. And maybe, you only get the resolution that you need when you're at a point in your life when you can accept it and appreciate it. Maybe there is more good in growing up than I can understand right now. All I do understand is there a certain renewal to one's spirit when you finally reach a point of catharsis. And in all the drama of the Prater wedding experience I have found comfort in something that happened to Katy Schrodt. Therefore, as Katy Prater I will carry forward my little nugget of wisdom I have received. Regardless of age or name, there are some good things that cannot be denied.
"when it's good, it'll feel like it should." - John Mayer
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