Katy Vs. Her Ovaries - The Inbetween

My husband turned 27 today. For whatever reason Cody’s birthday has always served in my mind as the unofficial starting date for my “gotta get a baby” journey. I can very vividly remember Cody’s birthday last year. June 9^th happen to fall in the midst of when I thought I should be ovulating (happy coincidence). June last year was the first month that I really set my mind to getting pregnant. I forced myself to ignore whatever hesitation I had about getting pregnant, constantly reminding myself that pregnancy is bound to happen when the time is right (where is that theory now?). I counted days and learned about ovulation and really tried to get pregnant and in turn have a baby the following March in perfect school teacher fashion. However, despite all the math and reproduction knowledge I had gained, I worried that something was wrong. I never felt like I was pregnant. I never felt like all of the pieces were coming together. June was the beginning of a long string of negative pregnancy tests that each added a bit more fuel to my worry that something was amiss.

Last night Cody and I got in bed a little after eleven. We laid in the dark and counted down minutes until midnight so we could kick off his birthday celebration. We talked about his 26^th year of life. We talked about all we had done in the past year. We discussed what he wanted to accomplish as a 27 year old. We remarked about how quickly time passes. Throughout our conversation I couldn’t help but think that if someone asked me what I remember most about being 26, I would have to respond with endometriosis and all that has unfolded. If someone were to ask me what I want to accomplish as a 27 year old, I would reply with getting pregnant. I was happy that Cody didn’t seem to think of these things. I am glad that Cody keeps moving forward. It’s something I am constantly trying to get better at myself.

Midnight rolled around as John Mayer songs floated through the air from the speakers of my phone. We held hands and laughed and talked about years ago when we first met and all the hours we spent in bed doing just those things, holding hands and laughing. Talking about what we dreamed of doing. Talking about where we want to be one day. Talking about the things that roll off the tongue a little easier in the dark after midnight on your best friend’s birthday.

Not being able to get pregnant has a way of taking control. Until just recently I was allowing too much of me to be devoted to having a baby. Last night with Cody reminded me of all the good in our lives. I realized that there is so much more to this world than having a child. Being with Cody is so easy and right and good. We want to have a baby, but it doesn’t have to happen on some specific timeline. Last night was a reminder of the necessity of living in the inbetween…when birthday celebrations make for an easy conversation with the person in this world who you love the most. The inbetween when turning twenty-seven feels a lot like seventeen .The inbetween when Lifehouse’s “You and Me” comes on your Pandora station for the first time in a long time. The inbetween when holding a hand feels a lot making a promise that everything is going to work out just the way it’s supposed to. The inbetween that ends up being exactly where you are supposed to be for now. The inbetween that every once in a while is the only thing in the world that matters. The inbetween that I assume one day we will all realize is actually just life.

I love Cody Prater, and he makes all of this past year a lot easier for me to handle. I am grateful for that and so much more about the man I married. Happy birthday to the best guy.