Katy Vs. Her Ovaries - Swing and a Miss

I went back to the doctor today after taking about 2 months worth of birth control pills in hopes of shrinking the cyst on my left ovary. The past 2 months have been really good for me. I have felt better in all of the weird ways that I have chalked up to endometriosis problems. For example, about 2 years ago I just randomly started getting acid reflux. It was super annoying and seemed such a weird development for a mid-twenties seemingly healthy person. I had decided it was just one of those things that happen as you get older, until I learned how much endo can affect your stomach, bowels, and all of that other digestive stuff. The past couple of months my acid reflux has just disappeared. I had decided this must mean that my cyst had shrunk as well.

I also had a weird experience in the early morning hours on Sunday that entailed me having some pretty severe pain on the left side of my abdomen for a few hours until the pain got so bad that I was in a cold sweat and dizzy and nauseous and telling Cody that I needed to go to the hospital. As Cody was getting ready to take me, the pain just sort of subsided. It was very odd. After some research, Cody and I decided that the whole episode must have something to do with my cyst and we were hoping that maybe it had ruptured and was gone. Always hoping these days...

Nonetheless, I was looking forward to the doctor's appointment just to see if we could get some clarification on all of these things. Cody and I were both expecting some sort of positive news. Unfortunately, we didn't get it. Turns out, my cyst has grown quite a bit. In fact, my cyst is now about 5.5 centimeters which is pretty big in the ovarian cyst world (Go big or go home, I always say). We also found out today that I may have more than one cyst on my left ovary, which might be what caused the extreme amount of pain that I felt Sunday morning. Apparently, my left ovary was having a party while I was trying to sleep. Old Lefty invited a cyst friend over for an early morning rendezvous that resulted in me in a cold sweat clinging to a toilet bowl trying to decide how my husband was going to carry me all the way into the hospital. Made for a lovely morning.

I kind of felt like my bubble got burst today. I had so much enjoyed the past couple months without worrying about getting pregnant or cysts or anything along those lines. I felt like I really knew what was happening inside of me. I felt like the signs all pointed to progress. And yet, I was completely wrong. Swing and a miss. I am not in tune with my insides, not even a little bit.

Our next step seems to be laparoscopic surgery to remove the cyst(s) and see where we stand after that. The surgery is scheduled for late July just around the time when I need to be focusing on volleyball and school. The whole thing is so frustrating for the part of me that desperately needs to control everything in my world.

For just a minute this afternoon I considered stomping my feet and throwing a fit and just simply saying "no." No, I'm not going to do the surgery. No, I'm not going to go out of my way to get pregnant. No, I am not going to let something that should be so natural and fundamental and instinctual get in the way of my life. No. No. No. It's simply not fair. It only took me a beat or two to remember that I don't throw fits in times of unforeseen surgery. There are much bigger battles in this world to fight. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

On a lighter note, I will be here in less than two weeks.

I'm packing up my cyst friends and heading to St. John for a week. Say a little prayer that one of these jokers doesn't decide to pop or invite anyone else to our little left ovary party while I'm on an island in the Caribbean.