When I went in for the day 13 ultrasound last month, I finally started making progress toward some sort of actual diagnosis. Before the ultrasound, I was under the impression that I had some sort of hormonal imbalance that wasn't triggering my ovaries to release eggs. Dr. Bell had made it obvious that the hormones can be regulated pretty easy, so I was hopeful that the ultrasound would in fact show some healthy follicles on my ovaries.
Poor Cody has been the victim of my thorough online research throughout this entire process. During the ultrasound he kept asking the poor woman if what we were seeing was in fact a follicle. She kept saying no, no, no. Eventually she answered that what we were seeing was a "growth." She went on to explain that I have a fairly good sized cyst on my left ovary that appears to be endometriosis. She immediately stopped the ultrasound and told me to get dressed. Cody asked a few more questions about the follicles. She pretty much told him that whatever fertility issues I was having stemmed from that cyst as well as other smaller endometrioma (I don't know what the plural of that word is) that I have on my other ovary. She also told Cody that the general method of treatment is surgery. Uhhh, what?
I didn't know much about endometriosis off the top of my head. I have a cousin with this issue, but she is only aware of it because she has spent her entire life with unbearable pain with her periods. I thought all people with endometriosis had a lot of pain. I couldn't figure out how I was different. I also knew that my cousin is only 18 but has been told that her endometriosis could impact her having children in the future.
After hearing all of this, I immediately wanted to be anywhere other than on that stupid table in that stupid dark room with that stupid gown on. I was over it. Done. I obviously had something wrong with me. It was obviously something serious enough to hinder my ability to have children, and I was sick of hearing about ovaries and Fallopian tubes and follicles. I was overwhelmed to say the least. I found myself in the bathroom putting my clothes back on. There was a moment when my most natural response to this news was to ball up in the corner of that little room and cry. I'm not sure why really. I don't know if it was the actual diagnosis of endometriosis. I don't know if it was how quickly the woman ended the ultrasound after seeing the endometrioma. I don't know if it was because I knew I had to face Cody on the other side of that door. Sweet, loving, supportive, inquisitive Cody who never signed on for this mess, who never imagined getting pregnant would be anything like these past few months. I don't know what it was, but something about that day 13 ultrasound sort of broke me.
I eventually made my way out of the bathroom. I did face Cody and he was as accommodating about the situation as he could have been. The nurse told us that Dr. Bell would eventually read the ultrasound and get back with us as what to do next. I left the hospital with more questions than answers.
I spent the next few days learning everything I could about endometriosis. Just like any other fertility issue, I think endometriosis varies considerably from woman to woman. About 1 in every 10 women have this issue that stems from the lining of your uterus growing outside of your uterus. Over time the lining can eventually build up on your reproductive organs keeping them from functioning properly...or at least that's what webMD says. Dr. Bell requested that we come in the following week to discuss the actual ultrasound. After the initial time it took to process the news, Cody and I both decided that we thought the diagnosis was a good thing. I was somewhat relieved to have an actual name to label whatever issue I was dealing with. From my research I determined it was important for my endo to not be considered stage III or IV. If I was in the early stages of the disease, I felt like I would have a really good shot at correcting this and getting pregnant. We spent the next few days waiting and worrying, waiting and worrying. I also spent the next few days trying to figure out how in the world I was going to tell my parents about all of this.
No comments:
Post a Comment