So, I teach 15 year olds on a daily basis. I often have students assume I am much older than I am. I have kids ask me how many children I have. I have kids who think I was born in the 70's (1986 folks!). In other words, I have kids who obviously have a very skewed perception of who I am. It doesn't really bother me that much when someone assumes I am older than I am. I do have an occasional moment where I refer to "Saved by the Bell" or the Spice Girls (yes, I reference the Spice Girls while teaching English) and my kids look at me with the blankest of stares and I realize that I am not 15 years old anymore. But overall, I am still young enough to not worry too much about the age game...most of the time.
Today I was sitting in the gym with about 6 of my 9th grade girls who just recently completed their jr. high basketball season. We were not practicing today so I was just talking to them about different things to do with school. One of my kids asked me what my husband ("I'm not married yet, Emily") was going to get me for Valentine's Day. I realized a couple of things in this moment:
My immediate frustration and correction of the word husband was somewhat unwarranted because in less than 6 months, I will have a husband (who am I?). I also realized that I will probably get flowers for Valentine's Day which is good and great, yet somewhat predictable. I couldn't help but think back to the Valentine's Days Cody and I have spent together where there was so much more than flowers as a gift. And then it happened....
With six 15 year old faces staring back at me, I literally quoted my mother: "Girls, after 5 years of being with the same guy, the gifts only get smaller." It's a phenomenon my mother and I have discussed before regarding how everything that involves extra effort in a relationship shrinks over time. And all of the things that sort of annoy you at the beginning of being together, slowly annoy you to the point of wanting to scream at someone. I don't want to scream at Cody very often. I don't even think he does that many things that annoy me. However, I do have to admit that the super cute things that Cody once did for me on a fairly regular basis have somewhat dwindled. In Cody's defense though, I am certain the extra stuff I used to do for Cody has also become more rare. I think it's human nature to stop working so hard when you realize that what you've got is pretty good.
When I mentioned this deep, philosophical relationship process to my 9th graders, they all looked at me like I was sort of crazy. They are still receiving texts from boys asking them to "go out," which never results in any actual going out. They have never gotten past the point in a relationship where the nice stuff ends. So, in an attempt to not sound like my mom and to not be the overly negative adult, I told the sweetest stories about Cody's past Valentine's Day gift ideas. And we all giggled and laughed and commented about how "hot" my boyfriend is.
The bell eventually rang and the kids left the gym. As one of my students started walking away, she turned to me and said "thank you." I asked her what she was thanking me for and she said "letting us hear about a couple that works." It struck me that a 9th grader could pinpoint that I'm in a relationship that works. Sometimes I get caught up in the big to do of wedding planning and working and coaching and all that is life and forget to just appreciate that I have a good, honest guy that will always come home to me (one day). The same kid told me she liked talking to me because I always seem to know the answers. I felt like such a fraud. I wanted to tell her that I am just as lost as she is. I literally reverted back to Chaffin Junior High on Valentine's Day when everyone got flowers and balloons and teddy bears from some hormone-driven boy they were "going out" with and I never did. I realized in that moment that to 9th graders at the school I teach, I'm the girl who gets the flowers. I am that older person who appears as if they have it figured out. And this is when I felt old. It's not the hypothetical children questions or assumptions that I graduated from high school in the 90's that bother me. But I felt old. I was the 9th grade English teacher that I used to idolize as a 9th garer. It was weird. I don't know what happen to the space between sweaty hand holding and marriage. Either way, perhaps life is about at least looking like you've got it figured out and I was happy to know I had sold the idea to someone, even if they're 15 and very impressionable.
So, this Valentine's Day when those flowers land on my doorstep, I will appreciate that I have a guy who remembers to send flowers. And I will accept that not everything within a relationship has to have bells and whistles...
I sure do love bells, though.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Yichud's for everyone!
Okay, so I feel as if there are a million things I could update about but I don't really get into capturing every tiny detail about this process. I will tell you this: we began registering, we bought a house (this one will perhaps get an entire entry one day), Cody's attire is 90% certain, and my flowers are chosen and booked.
Beyond these things, I have also decided on a tradition that I assume will begin and end with my wedding experience. I am so very excited about the gathering of people that I hope will take place at my wedding. I want friends and family to gather and talk and laugh and celebrate life and love and all of that good stuff. I want my parents to be proud and happy for what Cody and I have accomplished. I want friends to be reunited after too long. I want all of this. I want my guests to walk away from our wedding feeling like they have truly had a good time. However, I also want Cody and me to walk away from our wedding feeling as if there were some special moments just for me and him. In the craziness of that day, I am certain it will be easy for me (not Cody because nothing stresses him out) to be crazy and flustered and frustrated with the chaos of the entire situation. Because I know I have a tendency to be a bit serious (this is code for mean) under pressure, I have found in the ever-reaching wedding blogosphere (is this a word?) a tradition that I absolutely love the idea of.
In traditional Jewish weddings, the bride and groom steal away for a few minutes after the ceremony is finished and they are alone in a room. It is called a Yichud (I could very well be using this term incorrectly) and the idea is that the bride and groom can presumably be together alone for the first time since they are now married (I'd like to think this is when Jews have sex for the first time, just for the sake of the story). I want to do this (not the have sex in a room moments after I get married part, but the be alone with Cody after the ceremony part). I want for me and Cody to sit and breathe and giggle alone for just a few minutes while the hustle and bustle of the day continues without us. I want to hear his commentary about the ceremony and hold his hand with his wedding band between my fingers and tell him he looks dashing in his recently selected wedding attire and just be for a minute with him to bask in the greatness of that fleeting moment. The older I get the more I realize I run through life like a crazy person and rarely stop to take it all in. Just once and only for a second I want to be forced to take it all in.
So I have decided that Cody and I will steal a little tradition from the Jews. We will sneak off for a moment of reflection so that neither of us look back and wonder where the day went, even though I am certain we will both do that anyway. I think I will put CP in charge of the selection of the sneaking off place. He's always been good at that sort of stuff. Go Jews! Until next time...
Beyond these things, I have also decided on a tradition that I assume will begin and end with my wedding experience. I am so very excited about the gathering of people that I hope will take place at my wedding. I want friends and family to gather and talk and laugh and celebrate life and love and all of that good stuff. I want my parents to be proud and happy for what Cody and I have accomplished. I want friends to be reunited after too long. I want all of this. I want my guests to walk away from our wedding feeling like they have truly had a good time. However, I also want Cody and me to walk away from our wedding feeling as if there were some special moments just for me and him. In the craziness of that day, I am certain it will be easy for me (not Cody because nothing stresses him out) to be crazy and flustered and frustrated with the chaos of the entire situation. Because I know I have a tendency to be a bit serious (this is code for mean) under pressure, I have found in the ever-reaching wedding blogosphere (is this a word?) a tradition that I absolutely love the idea of.
In traditional Jewish weddings, the bride and groom steal away for a few minutes after the ceremony is finished and they are alone in a room. It is called a Yichud (I could very well be using this term incorrectly) and the idea is that the bride and groom can presumably be together alone for the first time since they are now married (I'd like to think this is when Jews have sex for the first time, just for the sake of the story). I want to do this (not the have sex in a room moments after I get married part, but the be alone with Cody after the ceremony part). I want for me and Cody to sit and breathe and giggle alone for just a few minutes while the hustle and bustle of the day continues without us. I want to hear his commentary about the ceremony and hold his hand with his wedding band between my fingers and tell him he looks dashing in his recently selected wedding attire and just be for a minute with him to bask in the greatness of that fleeting moment. The older I get the more I realize I run through life like a crazy person and rarely stop to take it all in. Just once and only for a second I want to be forced to take it all in.
So I have decided that Cody and I will steal a little tradition from the Jews. We will sneak off for a moment of reflection so that neither of us look back and wonder where the day went, even though I am certain we will both do that anyway. I think I will put CP in charge of the selection of the sneaking off place. He's always been good at that sort of stuff. Go Jews! Until next time...
Monday, January 11, 2010
"Not the Bow Type"
I'm sick of planning this wedding. I'm sick of the tiny details that I have to make a decision about, despite the fact that I care nothing about those details. I want other people to tell me what will look the best or sound the best or be the best. And yet, at the exact time I want to make every single decision there is to be made, because let's be honest, I am the best decision maker there is.
On that note, I went to rent chair covers and a dance floor this weekend with my parents. We walked into this store where we were bombarded by chaos of wedding crap everywhere. There was pink and purple and red and every lovey color you could think of attacking me from every direction. There were all of these bubbly, giddy chicks asking for the most cliche crap to set off their cliche weddings. I was a bit overwhelmed and certainly uninterested in the process. At the beginning of this process, I didn't realize my Saturday afternoons would be devoted to chair covers.
Nonetheless, Misty swoops in to tell my parents and me my colors are impossible to order and that I am already way behind on booking all of these things. We proceed to learn about the exhilarating topic of chair covers when Misty has the nerve to ask me if I'd like bows on the back of my chairs. Before I even had a chance to open my mouth all the way, she says, "You don't look like the bow type." What in the heck is that supposed to mean? Am I not the bow type because I don't want a chocolate fountain and fluffy pink crap on every inch of my wedding? Am I not the bow type because I wasn't excited about chair covers on a Saturday? Am I not the bow type because I did not plan my wedding when I was eleven and a half years old and in love with Billy Bob who sat three rows up and to the left of me?
Ugh. Weddings. I don't know what I think about this entire process. The more I thought about my experience with chair covers and Misty's unwarranted analysis of what type of person I am, the more I realized perhaps me not being the bow type is the least of this. Am I even the wedding type? Am I the big white dress type? Am I the all eyes on me type? I don't know. I'm not sure if this wedding is what I (or more importantly we) want, or if it's what everyone else wants so we are doing it too.
Since this experience with chair covers, I have tried to step back from the planning frenzy and find my way back to me and Cody. Because I don't think I alone am the wedding type girl. But that is why I love Cody Prater, because with Cody by my side I realize I am a wedding girl. I am the big white dress, all eyes on me, someone take my picture type of person, because Cody and I together are worth celebrating. I will wear that big white dress and I will wear it as good as, no, better than everybody else. There is one wedding in store for me, God willing, and Cody and I are going to do it upright. Together we are very much worth gathering in the name of love and happiness and all that is good in this world.
So no, Misty, I am NOT the bow type. But for this one day in history, I am going to be that bride that embodies what being a bride is about, whether there are bows involved or not.
On that note, I went to rent chair covers and a dance floor this weekend with my parents. We walked into this store where we were bombarded by chaos of wedding crap everywhere. There was pink and purple and red and every lovey color you could think of attacking me from every direction. There were all of these bubbly, giddy chicks asking for the most cliche crap to set off their cliche weddings. I was a bit overwhelmed and certainly uninterested in the process. At the beginning of this process, I didn't realize my Saturday afternoons would be devoted to chair covers.
Nonetheless, Misty swoops in to tell my parents and me my colors are impossible to order and that I am already way behind on booking all of these things. We proceed to learn about the exhilarating topic of chair covers when Misty has the nerve to ask me if I'd like bows on the back of my chairs. Before I even had a chance to open my mouth all the way, she says, "You don't look like the bow type." What in the heck is that supposed to mean? Am I not the bow type because I don't want a chocolate fountain and fluffy pink crap on every inch of my wedding? Am I not the bow type because I wasn't excited about chair covers on a Saturday? Am I not the bow type because I did not plan my wedding when I was eleven and a half years old and in love with Billy Bob who sat three rows up and to the left of me?
Ugh. Weddings. I don't know what I think about this entire process. The more I thought about my experience with chair covers and Misty's unwarranted analysis of what type of person I am, the more I realized perhaps me not being the bow type is the least of this. Am I even the wedding type? Am I the big white dress type? Am I the all eyes on me type? I don't know. I'm not sure if this wedding is what I (or more importantly we) want, or if it's what everyone else wants so we are doing it too.
Since this experience with chair covers, I have tried to step back from the planning frenzy and find my way back to me and Cody. Because I don't think I alone am the wedding type girl. But that is why I love Cody Prater, because with Cody by my side I realize I am a wedding girl. I am the big white dress, all eyes on me, someone take my picture type of person, because Cody and I together are worth celebrating. I will wear that big white dress and I will wear it as good as, no, better than everybody else. There is one wedding in store for me, God willing, and Cody and I are going to do it upright. Together we are very much worth gathering in the name of love and happiness and all that is good in this world.
So no, Misty, I am NOT the bow type. But for this one day in history, I am going to be that bride that embodies what being a bride is about, whether there are bows involved or not.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
The Ghost of Christmas Past...and Future
So, it snowed in Fort Smith, Arkansas on Christmas Eve this year. That is like the most unlikely occurrence ever. Luckily, I have the most overprotective parents a 23 year old could ask for, and somehow ended up sleeping at my parent's house on Christmas Eve. This is not an unusual thing for me. In fact, I think I stayed a couple of nights last year over Christmas. I had decided no more of that this year. I live all of 3 miles from my parent's home anyway, so I thought I would be an official adult and stay at my duplex but the snow changed my plans. I learned after I graduated high school and went to college that "home" as I knew it before I moved out of that house is never the same again. This year I was again reminded of this.
As I sat on my newly made bed (thank you mother) Thursday night, I couldn't help but dig through drawers and look at stuff I used to be so intricately connected to. There are trophies and pictures and newspaper articles and tshirts and everything that was once me in that room. It's weird. It's eery. I couldn't help but realize that next year I will no longer be Katy Schrodt. Not that I am the Katy Schrodt that decorates those walls now, but next year I literally will not be Katy Schrodt. I will be married. I will have a new name (if I so choose). I will be part of a new family and have added somebody to my own family. It struck me as really weird. Not scary. Not bad. Just weird. It is odd to me how the memories encapsulated in that bedroom are so far from who I am now. I literally feel like that room is the room of a kid. And I am no longer a kid. I don't talk to those people. I don't play those games. I don't take credit for those acocmplishments. I have new accomplishments and new people. Although, no new games. Either way my time in that room left me a bit nostalgic. I feel like all of the other milestones of my life have been very much predicted long in advance. Marriage is not one that my family or I have ever put a date on. I chose this one on my own. It's a bit unnerving and yet very exciting at the same time. I want to be part of a new family. I want Cody to be part of mine. I'm okay with changing my name (sort of okay) because I know my name does not define me.
Nonethless as I turned out my light and looked up to the ceiling with the fake stars from 1999 that have glowed in the dark above my head for over a decade, I couldn't help but wonder where the time went. I giggled at the thought of all of the nights I went to sleep worrying over an essay due or an upcoming game or other typically high school thoughts. I felt oddly in tune with the students I teach. And oddly old. The world has officially come full circle and I can't decide if I like it or not. The solace I took from my night spent at home is this: there will always be new worries and new obstables and new milestones to remember. I am so appreciative to still have my overly protective parents and irresponsible older brother at home over Christmas. And I am thankful to have a guy like Cody to call my own and put an end to all of the late night star-gazing that often revolved around finding a guy who wasn't a complete idiot. Things are good regardless of what year it is.
Okay, in order to tie this back into my wedding planning, I need a new bridesmaid dress and I am soon to do a cake tasting. That shall suffice =).
As I sat on my newly made bed (thank you mother) Thursday night, I couldn't help but dig through drawers and look at stuff I used to be so intricately connected to. There are trophies and pictures and newspaper articles and tshirts and everything that was once me in that room. It's weird. It's eery. I couldn't help but realize that next year I will no longer be Katy Schrodt. Not that I am the Katy Schrodt that decorates those walls now, but next year I literally will not be Katy Schrodt. I will be married. I will have a new name (if I so choose). I will be part of a new family and have added somebody to my own family. It struck me as really weird. Not scary. Not bad. Just weird. It is odd to me how the memories encapsulated in that bedroom are so far from who I am now. I literally feel like that room is the room of a kid. And I am no longer a kid. I don't talk to those people. I don't play those games. I don't take credit for those acocmplishments. I have new accomplishments and new people. Although, no new games. Either way my time in that room left me a bit nostalgic. I feel like all of the other milestones of my life have been very much predicted long in advance. Marriage is not one that my family or I have ever put a date on. I chose this one on my own. It's a bit unnerving and yet very exciting at the same time. I want to be part of a new family. I want Cody to be part of mine. I'm okay with changing my name (sort of okay) because I know my name does not define me.
Nonethless as I turned out my light and looked up to the ceiling with the fake stars from 1999 that have glowed in the dark above my head for over a decade, I couldn't help but wonder where the time went. I giggled at the thought of all of the nights I went to sleep worrying over an essay due or an upcoming game or other typically high school thoughts. I felt oddly in tune with the students I teach. And oddly old. The world has officially come full circle and I can't decide if I like it or not. The solace I took from my night spent at home is this: there will always be new worries and new obstables and new milestones to remember. I am so appreciative to still have my overly protective parents and irresponsible older brother at home over Christmas. And I am thankful to have a guy like Cody to call my own and put an end to all of the late night star-gazing that often revolved around finding a guy who wasn't a complete idiot. Things are good regardless of what year it is.
Okay, in order to tie this back into my wedding planning, I need a new bridesmaid dress and I am soon to do a cake tasting. That shall suffice =).
Sunday, December 13, 2009
My thing...
Okay, so here's the latest wedding update. I think we have decided on a song for the first dance. I realize this may seem like somewhat of an unimportant detail in the grand scheme of everything that is a wedding. However, the only part of a wedding that I have ever thought of before I was engaged is the music. Did I envision a dress? Never. Did I create a fictitious dream husband? Vaguely. Did I have flowers and colors and bridesmaids' dresses picked out? Nope. But since I have been with Cody I feel like so much of our relationship can be tracked and literally relived through songs. So here's the backstory on my song...
I am a Sex & the City fanatic! I spent the Christmas of my sophomore year of college in my bed watching the entire series. I love it. I think it is witty and thought provoking and empowering of women and somewhat pornographic, which is a recipe for success in my book. SATC literally allowed me to understand and experience sex through a TV show. I think it truthfully helped me to not have sex in real life. Ironic, I know. It's like a nicotine patch for virgins (awesome simile). There is an episode in season 4 of SATC that I love. It has always been in my top 5 episodes list. The episode is in the midst of the best times of Carrie and Aiden and I always loved Aiden and I loved Carrie with Aiden. I have always seen similarities between Carrie and him and myself and Cody (I know, weird). Anyhow, the episode also shows Samantha with Richard in a not just sexually based relationship, which was refreshing for me. So, here's the point. I have seen the episode probably 5 or 6 times and everytime near the end there is this song that from the moment I heard it, I loved it. It is fresh and different and so very sweet and romantic. In the midst of my incessant wedding blog reading, I came across the title of the song that some random couple used for their first dance. I researched it a little because I am intrigued by the songs people choose. I feel like the song represents the attitude of 2 people together. Oddly enough, the song that I happened upon on this random website is the song from Sex & the City! It's fate. I konw it.
I explained this whole process to Cody and even let him watch the infamous episode and he seemed to be fine with it. There are other songs that we have always listened to or even danced to, but this is THE song. I think he knew better than to try to stand between me and my SATC love. I appreciate that there will be connections to my real life at my wedding. I want to know that it is more than a song. I also am using Chrysanthemums in my bouquet because of a short story I read entitled "Chrysanthemums" that is a women's empowerment/knowing your identity themed piece. I am such a nerd and such a literature person, and I love it. I want my wedding to be more than surface level. I am excited about my song. I realize this build up is probably making you wonder, "what in the hell song is it?" But I don't want to tell because I want me and Cody to be the ones who know =).
I also bought a dress. Oddly enough, I was more excited to chronicle my song developments more so than my dress developments. I must be wired differently than most. Next post will be the dress post!
I am a Sex & the City fanatic! I spent the Christmas of my sophomore year of college in my bed watching the entire series. I love it. I think it is witty and thought provoking and empowering of women and somewhat pornographic, which is a recipe for success in my book. SATC literally allowed me to understand and experience sex through a TV show. I think it truthfully helped me to not have sex in real life. Ironic, I know. It's like a nicotine patch for virgins (awesome simile). There is an episode in season 4 of SATC that I love. It has always been in my top 5 episodes list. The episode is in the midst of the best times of Carrie and Aiden and I always loved Aiden and I loved Carrie with Aiden. I have always seen similarities between Carrie and him and myself and Cody (I know, weird). Anyhow, the episode also shows Samantha with Richard in a not just sexually based relationship, which was refreshing for me. So, here's the point. I have seen the episode probably 5 or 6 times and everytime near the end there is this song that from the moment I heard it, I loved it. It is fresh and different and so very sweet and romantic. In the midst of my incessant wedding blog reading, I came across the title of the song that some random couple used for their first dance. I researched it a little because I am intrigued by the songs people choose. I feel like the song represents the attitude of 2 people together. Oddly enough, the song that I happened upon on this random website is the song from Sex & the City! It's fate. I konw it.
I explained this whole process to Cody and even let him watch the infamous episode and he seemed to be fine with it. There are other songs that we have always listened to or even danced to, but this is THE song. I think he knew better than to try to stand between me and my SATC love. I appreciate that there will be connections to my real life at my wedding. I want to know that it is more than a song. I also am using Chrysanthemums in my bouquet because of a short story I read entitled "Chrysanthemums" that is a women's empowerment/knowing your identity themed piece. I am such a nerd and such a literature person, and I love it. I want my wedding to be more than surface level. I am excited about my song. I realize this build up is probably making you wonder, "what in the hell song is it?" But I don't want to tell because I want me and Cody to be the ones who know =).
I also bought a dress. Oddly enough, I was more excited to chronicle my song developments more so than my dress developments. I must be wired differently than most. Next post will be the dress post!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wedding Dress Wow's
So, I went to try on wedding dresses today. I have been somewhat hesitant about the dress process since even before I was engaged. I am not a wedding dress type of girl. I have not dreamt of my one day wedding dress my whole life. In fact, I have given it very little thought until I found myself engaged. I feel like the pressure and importance placed on a wedding dress by the world in general made up for my lack of emphasis.
I love Sex & the City. I have lived vicariously through the women of that show for years now. There is an episode soon after Carrie has gotten engaged to Aiden where her and Miranda try on wedding dresses more or less for fun in preparation for Carrie's marriage. They are standing in this cramped fitting room with some hideous wedding dress giggling about the entire situation. Carrie eventually manages to get the dress on only to immediately want to take it off. She has a mini meltdown in the form of a panic attack at the sight of her in a wedding dress. For Carrie, t was everything that a wedding means wrapped into a large ball of toole and rhinestones. It was her loss of freedom and independence and sexual promiscuity and her identity. I have always identified with that scene for whatever reason. I am not as old as Carrie is. I am not as sexually experienced as Carrie's character is. But I am as attached to who I am as Carrie is. I have always wondered if one day I would put on a wedding dress and soon be engulfed in the magnitude of the situation that I am oddly enough now in.
Today in Beau's Bridal with my mother (a lot less cool than Miranda) acting as my wedding dress assistant I tried on 3 dresses. I tried them on more out of curiosity than actual interest. And I tried them on because I knew I needed to try them on. I did not panic. I did not feel terribly overwhelmed. I giggled and laughed and recognized that I am getting married on June 19th. It was certainly one of those steps toward understanding that marriage is more than a day in June and an excuse to get dressed up. I think I get marriage more than Carrie Bradshaw. However, I still am a bit daunted (if not a lot daunted) by the baggage that comes with marriage. The realistic, pessimistic part of me (which is a big part of me by the way) thinks that it is somewhat crazy to think that a person can make a decision at 23 that will still be in place when they are 63. It is proposterous that in a few months I won't be Katy Schrodt anymore, and instead Katy Prater. It is insane to understand that Cody and I will one day have children, create humans, together. It is crazy.
I do not want out. I do not question whether or not this is right. I just think marriage is a hugely unobtainable concept for me to digest all at once. It will take me all 7 months (and most likely years of marriage) of this engagement for me to understand what it is that we are exactly doing. I can only hold onto the truth that I am certain of. And that is that enough love can erase the realistic, pessimistic side of a person and replace it with a little less Carrie Bradshaw and a little more fairytale.
I love Sex & the City. I have lived vicariously through the women of that show for years now. There is an episode soon after Carrie has gotten engaged to Aiden where her and Miranda try on wedding dresses more or less for fun in preparation for Carrie's marriage. They are standing in this cramped fitting room with some hideous wedding dress giggling about the entire situation. Carrie eventually manages to get the dress on only to immediately want to take it off. She has a mini meltdown in the form of a panic attack at the sight of her in a wedding dress. For Carrie, t was everything that a wedding means wrapped into a large ball of toole and rhinestones. It was her loss of freedom and independence and sexual promiscuity and her identity. I have always identified with that scene for whatever reason. I am not as old as Carrie is. I am not as sexually experienced as Carrie's character is. But I am as attached to who I am as Carrie is. I have always wondered if one day I would put on a wedding dress and soon be engulfed in the magnitude of the situation that I am oddly enough now in.
Today in Beau's Bridal with my mother (a lot less cool than Miranda) acting as my wedding dress assistant I tried on 3 dresses. I tried them on more out of curiosity than actual interest. And I tried them on because I knew I needed to try them on. I did not panic. I did not feel terribly overwhelmed. I giggled and laughed and recognized that I am getting married on June 19th. It was certainly one of those steps toward understanding that marriage is more than a day in June and an excuse to get dressed up. I think I get marriage more than Carrie Bradshaw. However, I still am a bit daunted (if not a lot daunted) by the baggage that comes with marriage. The realistic, pessimistic part of me (which is a big part of me by the way) thinks that it is somewhat crazy to think that a person can make a decision at 23 that will still be in place when they are 63. It is proposterous that in a few months I won't be Katy Schrodt anymore, and instead Katy Prater. It is insane to understand that Cody and I will one day have children, create humans, together. It is crazy.
I do not want out. I do not question whether or not this is right. I just think marriage is a hugely unobtainable concept for me to digest all at once. It will take me all 7 months (and most likely years of marriage) of this engagement for me to understand what it is that we are exactly doing. I can only hold onto the truth that I am certain of. And that is that enough love can erase the realistic, pessimistic side of a person and replace it with a little less Carrie Bradshaw and a little more fairytale.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
We Have a Date
June 19, 2010 will be the big day. I don't love the date, mainly because I've never been a big fan of June, but that's okay. I've started to understand that weddings run you, you don't run your wedding.
We will be getting married at my church, Goddard United Methodist with a reception following at Golden Living. I think it's really awesome that our reception will be at the headquarters for a nursing home facility, but again it's the nature of the beast. I like old people, so I'm cool with it anyway. I just wanted to make sure that the air conditioner worked and it seemed very cool the day we visited the reception site.
We still don't have a time or photographer or cake person (I assume baker is the correct term for that). But considering we've only been working a week at planning, I feel like we got an acceptable amoutn accomplished.
I am slowly starting to accept this whole engagement/marriage thing. I think it's really weird how when you start putting different titles on a relationship and rings on different fingers, things seem to want to change. Regardless of the situation, Cody and I are still Cody and me (this sentence is an English teacher's nightmare).
I think I kind of had a delayed reaction to this whole thing to be honest. The other day I was trying to explain symbolism in reference to Lord of the Flies to a group of 14 year olds. I know that any sort of abstract idea is so difficult to explain where kids can understand, especially 10 minutes before lunch, but I was determined to do my best. I immediately thought of a cross as being a logical symbol that most people understand the underlying meaning for. However, as a public school teacher, I try to stray from anything Jesus related. From there I decided I would go to the symbols they use on a map to signify a state capital, a major interstate, etc. Then, I realized this is the generation of mapquest and most of my kids have probably never even looked at a paper map (insert cringe at my growing older here). So, on to my 3rd attempt to explain the same concept. As I stood there in front of 30 pairs of glazed over eyeballs, I came up with an extremely simple symbol: a ring. I began to talk about what a ring symbolizes beyond a pretty piece of jewelery. However, by some stroke of God, who I had refused to acknowledge only moments before, my students starting spouting off all of these things that a ring symbolizes. Love, marriage, trust, a relationship, sex (from the funny guy in the back whose desk faces the wall because he can't focus on anything), money, etc. I stood there for a minute stunned that these kids have any idea what a ring symbolizes and then realized how early on people understand that a big part of life is finding someone who will give you a ring or wear the one you give them. I had this weird flashback to me being a 9th grader and a fastforwarded memory of all of the steps that somehow created this road to me being engaged to be married. It was all a bit overwhelming to take in, but I finally felt like I had processed the situation.
It's funny to work with young people who serve as a constant reminder to who you used to be, where you used to be, and the things you used to believe. At 14 I didn't know Cody Prater would be the man I would marry, but I am so glad that he is. It was humbling for some reason to know that I have successfully traversed those years of not knowing where I would end up or with whom I'd end up. I was glad to not be 14. And I was glad to be 23 and engaged without any hesitation or question about the situation. All of this took place in a crowded room with my rowdiest class of the day. As the bell rang, the smart elic (sp?) who so thoughtfully threw out the response "sex" in reference to what a ring symbolized apologized to me for saying it. I reprimanded him and told him that everything didn't have to be about sex and went on to say that marriage is not all about sex. As he walked out of my room, I sat down with a rather wide grin on my face understanding all of the things that marriage will hold for Cody and myself.
We will be getting married at my church, Goddard United Methodist with a reception following at Golden Living. I think it's really awesome that our reception will be at the headquarters for a nursing home facility, but again it's the nature of the beast. I like old people, so I'm cool with it anyway. I just wanted to make sure that the air conditioner worked and it seemed very cool the day we visited the reception site.
We still don't have a time or photographer or cake person (I assume baker is the correct term for that). But considering we've only been working a week at planning, I feel like we got an acceptable amoutn accomplished.
I am slowly starting to accept this whole engagement/marriage thing. I think it's really weird how when you start putting different titles on a relationship and rings on different fingers, things seem to want to change. Regardless of the situation, Cody and I are still Cody and me (this sentence is an English teacher's nightmare).
I think I kind of had a delayed reaction to this whole thing to be honest. The other day I was trying to explain symbolism in reference to Lord of the Flies to a group of 14 year olds. I know that any sort of abstract idea is so difficult to explain where kids can understand, especially 10 minutes before lunch, but I was determined to do my best. I immediately thought of a cross as being a logical symbol that most people understand the underlying meaning for. However, as a public school teacher, I try to stray from anything Jesus related. From there I decided I would go to the symbols they use on a map to signify a state capital, a major interstate, etc. Then, I realized this is the generation of mapquest and most of my kids have probably never even looked at a paper map (insert cringe at my growing older here). So, on to my 3rd attempt to explain the same concept. As I stood there in front of 30 pairs of glazed over eyeballs, I came up with an extremely simple symbol: a ring. I began to talk about what a ring symbolizes beyond a pretty piece of jewelery. However, by some stroke of God, who I had refused to acknowledge only moments before, my students starting spouting off all of these things that a ring symbolizes. Love, marriage, trust, a relationship, sex (from the funny guy in the back whose desk faces the wall because he can't focus on anything), money, etc. I stood there for a minute stunned that these kids have any idea what a ring symbolizes and then realized how early on people understand that a big part of life is finding someone who will give you a ring or wear the one you give them. I had this weird flashback to me being a 9th grader and a fastforwarded memory of all of the steps that somehow created this road to me being engaged to be married. It was all a bit overwhelming to take in, but I finally felt like I had processed the situation.
It's funny to work with young people who serve as a constant reminder to who you used to be, where you used to be, and the things you used to believe. At 14 I didn't know Cody Prater would be the man I would marry, but I am so glad that he is. It was humbling for some reason to know that I have successfully traversed those years of not knowing where I would end up or with whom I'd end up. I was glad to not be 14. And I was glad to be 23 and engaged without any hesitation or question about the situation. All of this took place in a crowded room with my rowdiest class of the day. As the bell rang, the smart elic (sp?) who so thoughtfully threw out the response "sex" in reference to what a ring symbolized apologized to me for saying it. I reprimanded him and told him that everything didn't have to be about sex and went on to say that marriage is not all about sex. As he walked out of my room, I sat down with a rather wide grin on my face understanding all of the things that marriage will hold for Cody and myself.
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