The Ghost of Christmas Past...and Future

So, it snowed in Fort Smith, Arkansas on Christmas Eve this year. That is like the most unlikely occurrence ever. Luckily, I have the most overprotective parents a 23 year old could ask for, and somehow ended up sleeping at my parent's house on Christmas Eve. This is not an unusual thing for me. In fact, I think I stayed a couple of nights last year over Christmas. I had decided no more of that this year. I live all of 3 miles from my parent's home anyway, so I thought I would be an official adult and stay at my duplex but the snow changed my plans. I learned after I graduated high school and went to college that "home" as I knew it before I moved out of that house is never the same again. This year I was again reminded of this.

As I sat on my newly made bed (thank you mother) Thursday night, I couldn't help but dig through drawers and look at stuff I used to be so intricately connected to. There are trophies and pictures and newspaper articles and tshirts and everything that was once me in that room. It's weird. It's eery. I couldn't help but realize that next year I will no longer be Katy Schrodt. Not that I am the Katy Schrodt that decorates those walls now, but next year I literally will not be Katy Schrodt. I will be married. I will have a new name (if I so choose). I will be part of a new family and have added somebody to my own family. It struck me as really weird. Not scary. Not bad. Just weird. It is odd to me how the memories encapsulated in that bedroom are so far from who I am now. I literally feel like that room is the room of a kid. And I am no longer a kid. I don't talk to those people. I don't play those games. I don't take credit for those acocmplishments. I have new accomplishments and new people. Although, no new games. Either way my time in that room left me a bit nostalgic. I feel like all of the other milestones of my life have been very much predicted long in advance. Marriage is not one that my family or I have ever put a date on. I chose this one on my own. It's a bit unnerving and yet very exciting at the same time. I want to be part of a new family. I want Cody to be part of mine. I'm okay with changing my name (sort of okay) because I know my name does not define me.

Nonethless as I turned out my light and looked up to the ceiling with the fake stars from 1999 that have glowed in the dark above my head for over a decade, I couldn't help but wonder where the time went. I giggled at the thought of all of the nights I went to sleep worrying over an essay due or an upcoming game or other typically high school thoughts. I felt oddly in tune with the students I teach. And oddly old. The world has officially come full circle and I can't decide if I like it or not. The solace I took from my night spent at home is this: there will always be new worries and new obstables and new milestones to remember. I am so appreciative to still have my overly protective parents and irresponsible older brother at home over Christmas. And I am thankful to have a guy like Cody to call my own and put an end to all of the late night star-gazing that often revolved around finding a guy who wasn't a complete idiot. Things are good regardless of what year it is.

Okay, in order to tie this back into my wedding planning, I need a new bridesmaid dress and I am soon to do a cake tasting. That shall suffice =).

My thing...

Okay, so here's the latest wedding update. I think we have decided on a song for the first dance. I realize this may seem like somewhat of an unimportant detail in the grand scheme of everything that is a wedding. However, the only part of a wedding that I have ever thought of before I was engaged is the music. Did I envision a dress? Never. Did I create a fictitious dream husband? Vaguely. Did I have flowers and colors and bridesmaids' dresses picked out? Nope. But since I have been with Cody I feel like so much of our relationship can be tracked and literally relived through songs. So here's the backstory on my song...

I am a Sex & the City fanatic! I spent the Christmas of my sophomore year of college in my bed watching the entire series. I love it. I think it is witty and thought provoking and empowering of women and somewhat pornographic, which is a recipe for success in my book. SATC literally allowed me to understand and experience sex through a TV show. I think it truthfully helped me to not have sex in real life. Ironic, I know. It's like a nicotine patch for virgins (awesome simile). There is an episode in season 4 of SATC that I love. It has always been in my top 5 episodes list. The episode is in the midst of the best times of Carrie and Aiden and I always loved Aiden and I loved Carrie with Aiden. I have always seen similarities between Carrie and him and myself and Cody (I know, weird). Anyhow, the episode also shows Samantha with Richard in a not just sexually based relationship, which was refreshing for me. So, here's the point. I have seen the episode probably 5 or 6 times and everytime near the end there is this song that from the moment I heard it, I loved it. It is fresh and different and so very sweet and romantic. In the midst of my incessant wedding blog reading, I came across the title of the song that some random couple used for their first dance. I researched it a little because I am intrigued by the songs people choose. I feel like the song represents the attitude of 2 people together. Oddly enough, the song that I happened upon on this random website is the song from Sex & the City! It's fate. I konw it.

I explained this whole process to Cody and even let him watch the infamous episode and he seemed to be fine with it. There are other songs that we have always listened to or even danced to, but this is THE song. I think he knew better than to try to stand between me and my SATC love. I appreciate that there will be connections to my real life at my wedding. I want to know that it is more than a song. I also am using Chrysanthemums in my bouquet because of a short story I read entitled "Chrysanthemums" that is a women's empowerment/knowing your identity themed piece. I am such a nerd and such a literature person, and I love it. I want my wedding to be more than surface level. I am excited about my song. I realize this build up is probably making you wonder, "what in the hell song is it?" But I don't want to tell because I want me and Cody to be the ones who know =).

I also bought a dress. Oddly enough, I was more excited to chronicle my song developments more so than my dress developments. I must be wired differently than most. Next post will be the dress post!