I watched an episode of "The Big Bang Theory" recently in which Sheldon tries to make a new friend. Naturally, Sheldon's unique personality causes him to have a difficult time navigating the waters of getting to know someone well enough to consider him a friend. He ends up giving up on the process but not before enlisting flow charts and scientific data to try to figure out how to make his new friendship work.
After watching the show, I couldn't help but feel a connection with Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Granted, I do not possess the same characteristics that place Sheldon on the Autism spectrum. I also don't have a Ph. D. or an IQ that's off the charts. I am in theory less crazy than Sheldon. I should have friends like Sheldon does. I should have a Leonard, Raj, and Howard. I should have a group of friends that are a part of my life on a daily basis. We should drink red wine and have conversations about life and love and men and everything - conversations that matter. Conversations that sustain you until you meet again.
I'm afraid that I have fallen victim to a far too common phenomenon in this world. I like to call it the "we no longer sit around and do nothing as single females in a world where our biggest engagement is class for a few hours a day" syndrome. All of my friends are married (like myself). A lot of my friends have babies or are soon to have a baby. We all have jobs. We all have lives. When I was younger, I never imagined that in the craziness of adulthood I would lose touch with friends.
Now, before we get too crazy, let me just say that I do have friends. I have great friends. Good people. Kind people. People that I wouldn't trade for anything. People who have been there for me when I needed someone. My friendships are just different friendships than I once anticipated.
Maybe I watch too much T.V. I've definitely seen one too many "Sex & the City" episodes. Maybe I'm a sucker for a good conversation with someone other than my husband (although I do love talking to him). I always envisioned myself having friends that were a daily part of my existence no matter who our husbands were or how many children we have or how many hours we worked that day. I always envisioned having friends who are first on my list to call when the world comes crashing down. I always envisioned having friends who would drop what they were doing to be there for me. And I have always known that those expectations of other people require me to be a good friend in return. I believe that women need other women in their world.
At the beginning of this new year, I decided that my New Year's resolution was to make a new friend. I had no idea how exactly I was going to accomplish this task, but the continual birth of babies all around me is a constant reminder that my friends are signing up for responsibilities much more pressing than being my friend. Soon after making this resolution, I found myself sidetracked by one of those situations that you never predict happening. It was one of those moments when Cody could only do so much. I needed a friend. Yet, I found myself held hostage by the knowledge that most of my friends were busy. Busy with life. Busy with kids. Busy with husbands. Busy with something other than talking me off a ledge. I understand that this is just the direction in which life moves, and I am certain that I have played just as much a role in this predicament as anyone else. I am not bitter. I am not angry. I do not blame anyone for this. I just know that having a friend who knows you and understands you is a blessing and something that I am not willing to give up on just because I'm getting older or busier. I don't buy it.
I hope other people have had these same thoughts at some point. Otherwise, I may be more like Sheldon than I would like to admit.
I obviously need a flow chart. Bazinga.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Powder Blue Suit and Puffy Sleeves
My parents celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary this past week. When I was younger, I never gave much thought to my parent's relationship. They were together. I assumed they always would be. That's about as far as I got with it. I knew people whose parents were not together or at least were not happily together, although I didn't know of many. I grew up in a world where people got married and stayed married. In other words I grew up in an extremely sheltered environment in a lot of ways. The older I get the more I think about my parents and their relationship. They have always been pretty intriguing characters to me. They followed a somewhat non-traditional path with their lives. Today, 41 years later I would have to place my parents' lives in the successful column - a column I hope Cody and I will find ourselves in one day.
My parents grew up in Poteau, Oklahoma. Both of them would label their childhood as the "poor" era of their life. Neither of my parents' families had much money to speak of. They were the same age and went to school with each other all of their lives. They were good friends long before they started dating in high school. My dad worked all of his life as a paper boy and a stocker at the local grocery store. My mom was the youngest of four kids and was consequently extremely sheltered by her own mother. My parents started dating as juniors in high school and have been together ever since. My dad had a car that he bought from his years of working, and my mom thought he was "so handsome." They went to college at OSU and got married when they were both 22 years old. My mom's mother died of a heart attack months before they were married. Still today my mom will tell you that their wedding day was one of the hardest days of her life. There's a picture from that January day in 1972. My dad has on a powder blue suit, and my mom has on a puffy sleeved wedding dress in a wooden panel church. When I look at that picture, I wish so badly my mom's mom was there.
My parents went on to live in Houston for a few years after graduating from college while my dad did marketing at a large department store. They eventually found their way back home to Fort Smith when my dad got a job working for Rheem. My mom was a home-ec teacher for 17 years in Oklahoma. My dad worked for Rheem for the majority of his life. Throughout their twenties and some of their thirties, my parents owned their own businesses outside of their primary jobs. They tell stories about working like crazy throughout the week and sleeping until late in the afternoon on the weekends. They went on vacations whenever they could. They stayed up late and did whatever they wanted. They were young and alive. I love hearing my parents tell these stories. I appreciate that my parents have such good memories of being young and in love.
My parents had my brother when they were 33 and had me when they were 36 and 37. When asked why they waited so long, they will tell you that kids literally never entered their mind until they were in their thirties. I like to think that my parents were having such an awesome time as a pair that they didn't feel like they needed anything else really. My parents were of a generation of people that thought having children in your thirties was pretty weird. My parents made their own timeline - a concept I have always struggled with.
When my parents were newlyweds, they could have never envisioned all of the life that was ahead of them. I consider myself so lucky to have parents like my mom and dad. The older I get the more I realize I am in fact my father's daughter. The older I get the more I respect my mom for being independent and yet so connected to my dad all at the same time. She has fought the good fight more than once. She is the strongest person I know, and my dad is the best man to have stood by her and taken care of her and all of us through cancer and all that has come and will come in the future. My parents respect each other and love one another. They have taught me to have my own opinion and to find a person who wants to hear that opinion. They have taught me to love the person you choose without conditions. They have been examples of how to choose the path you want instead of the path people assume you will take. They have taught me that there is no way to plan every step of where you're going, but to trust that it will all work out the way it's supposed to. They have taught me that having kids is the best thing in the world, because my parents wholeheartedly agree that my brother and me are truly their greatest accomplishments in a life filled with so much success.
I don't know when Cody and I will have kids. I don't know how many kids we will have. I certainly don't know where we will be 40 years from now. I do know that there is so much time to answer all of these questions. I know that at 26 years old it isn't necessary to have every step of the next decade or two planned out. I know that all I can do for now is focus on all of the good people in this world today. My parents are proof that there are plenty of years left to live for all of us.
My parents grew up in Poteau, Oklahoma. Both of them would label their childhood as the "poor" era of their life. Neither of my parents' families had much money to speak of. They were the same age and went to school with each other all of their lives. They were good friends long before they started dating in high school. My dad worked all of his life as a paper boy and a stocker at the local grocery store. My mom was the youngest of four kids and was consequently extremely sheltered by her own mother. My parents started dating as juniors in high school and have been together ever since. My dad had a car that he bought from his years of working, and my mom thought he was "so handsome." They went to college at OSU and got married when they were both 22 years old. My mom's mother died of a heart attack months before they were married. Still today my mom will tell you that their wedding day was one of the hardest days of her life. There's a picture from that January day in 1972. My dad has on a powder blue suit, and my mom has on a puffy sleeved wedding dress in a wooden panel church. When I look at that picture, I wish so badly my mom's mom was there.
My parents went on to live in Houston for a few years after graduating from college while my dad did marketing at a large department store. They eventually found their way back home to Fort Smith when my dad got a job working for Rheem. My mom was a home-ec teacher for 17 years in Oklahoma. My dad worked for Rheem for the majority of his life. Throughout their twenties and some of their thirties, my parents owned their own businesses outside of their primary jobs. They tell stories about working like crazy throughout the week and sleeping until late in the afternoon on the weekends. They went on vacations whenever they could. They stayed up late and did whatever they wanted. They were young and alive. I love hearing my parents tell these stories. I appreciate that my parents have such good memories of being young and in love.
My parents had my brother when they were 33 and had me when they were 36 and 37. When asked why they waited so long, they will tell you that kids literally never entered their mind until they were in their thirties. I like to think that my parents were having such an awesome time as a pair that they didn't feel like they needed anything else really. My parents were of a generation of people that thought having children in your thirties was pretty weird. My parents made their own timeline - a concept I have always struggled with.
When my parents were newlyweds, they could have never envisioned all of the life that was ahead of them. I consider myself so lucky to have parents like my mom and dad. The older I get the more I realize I am in fact my father's daughter. The older I get the more I respect my mom for being independent and yet so connected to my dad all at the same time. She has fought the good fight more than once. She is the strongest person I know, and my dad is the best man to have stood by her and taken care of her and all of us through cancer and all that has come and will come in the future. My parents respect each other and love one another. They have taught me to have my own opinion and to find a person who wants to hear that opinion. They have taught me to love the person you choose without conditions. They have been examples of how to choose the path you want instead of the path people assume you will take. They have taught me that there is no way to plan every step of where you're going, but to trust that it will all work out the way it's supposed to. They have taught me that having kids is the best thing in the world, because my parents wholeheartedly agree that my brother and me are truly their greatest accomplishments in a life filled with so much success.
I don't know when Cody and I will have kids. I don't know how many kids we will have. I certainly don't know where we will be 40 years from now. I do know that there is so much time to answer all of these questions. I know that at 26 years old it isn't necessary to have every step of the next decade or two planned out. I know that all I can do for now is focus on all of the good people in this world today. My parents are proof that there are plenty of years left to live for all of us.
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