My due date was June 3rd. I was scheduled to see my doctor on Monday, the 8th at 8:40 that morning. Dr. Bell had told me that if I had not delivered by my appointment we would plan on inducing me Monday night at 9p.m. In the early morning hours of the 8th, I woke up around 4a.m. with the realization that something wasn't quite right. I had spent the past few days walking miles, getting acupuncture, eating specific foods, and doing all sorts of stuff to try to go into labor naturally. I was hopeful that the events early that morning might mean something was happening.
I woke Cody up and told him about what was going on. We scoured the internet to try to interpret my symptoms. I decided I would take a shower (in case I really was in labor) and call the hospital afterwards. The hospital advised me to come in. We arrived around 6a.m. They checked the baby and me for dilation. I was at 2 centimeters, the same as the week before and the baby was doing fine. Nonetheless, Dr. Bell told the nurses to go ahead and admit me and start the process of inducing me. I found myself being wheeled to a room and getting blood drawn before anyone much explained what was going on. Cody and I decided we needed to speak with Dr. Bell to ask for more time before being induced. We all eventually decided that I would return Wednesday, the 10th, to be induced. We grabbed our stuff and headed home. All the while I was noticing regular cramping in my stomach. I had no idea I was having contractions.
We returned home around 8:30a.m. I watched television and ate some breakfast. I told my mom I thought I might be having contractions. Cody went to work. I continued doing all I would normally do. The contractions eventually got worse. By 11a.m. I was in some real pain. My mom and aunt came over on the off chance that I needed to be taken to the hospital. I laid in bed and suffered through what I realized at this point had to be contractions. I eventually told Cody he needed to come home.
Around 1 o'clock Cody came and got me. He drove to the hospital like a crazy person. You would have thought we had seen the kid's head. We made our way to labor and delivery; they checked me again. I was dilated to a five at this point, which happened to be as far along in the labor process as I hoped to be before getting an epidural. Owen's head was really low according to the nurse. This time they rolled me to the same room as earlier in the day. I was actually in labor.
The next few hours are a bit of a blur. I did eventually get an epidural. Contractions continued coming regularly and closer together. The nurse kept checking me and noting that I kept progressing. Before too long Dr. Bell was paged. I started pushing. My mom and Cody floated around the room in disbelief that all of this was unfolding so quickly. I eventually had to stop pushing during contractions in order to wait on Dr. Bell. I just laid there thinking about how weirdly easy the whole thing seemed. I was in pain but not unbearable pain. The epidural had certainly improved my situation. Cody kept looking at me with a giddy smile about the whole situation.
When I was at a nine, my water finally broke. The nurse told me that meconium was obvious from the color of my water, so she warned me that they would have to suction Owen as soon as his head came out to ensure he didn't swallow any of the water. I just nodded. At this point any sort of control over the situation was out of my hands.
Before long Dr. Bell showed up. I pushed a couple more times. We first saw the head (or at least that's what Cody told me). They did suction Owen's mouth and nose. I remember feeling his shoulders come out of me. I remember trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. Before I knew it, Dr. Bell laid a bloody little baby on my stomach. Cody looked at me in disbelief. I don't even remember if I touched Owen. Before I knew it, they had scooped him up so that Dr. Bell could tend to me. I suffered extensive tearing for whatever reason. I spent the next thirty minutes or so laying on the table as my mom and Cody relayed information about Owen's status. Everything and everyone moved around me. I just laid there watching Dr. Bell's hands pull sutures up and down. I wondered what exactly was happening. I wondered what my child looked like. The whole thing was so weird. I kept marveling at the fact that I hadn't even broken a sweat. I kept wondering if the whole thing was real. It was a blur for sure.
Nonetheless, Owen checked out as perfectly healthy. I watched Cody carry him wrapped in his blanket. My mom took pictures. Nurses stood over my bed handing Dr. Bell instruments. It was not how I envisioned delivering my child. It was easier and harder all at the same time. Mainly it was different. When Dr. Bell handed me Owen for the first time, I started crying. I couldn't even see his face, but I understood that my life was different. A line was drawn in the sand forever. Dr. Bell asked me if the tears were happy tears (probably to make sure that I was not aware of what he was stitching up). I responded with a sort of dazed head nod. I don't know what exactly the tears meant at that moment. Like a lot of the process of being pregnant, the experience was just too much to process.
After the commotion subsided, I was left with a little baby boy wrapped in a blanket. I didn't know what to do with him. I didn't know what to say to him. I was not flooded with maternal instinct. I did what the nurses directed me to do. My head was spinning, but I was relieved that childbirth was over. I was part of the club after forty weeks of carrying a human inside me. I was a mom, but really I just felt like my old self in a hospital gown with a sore crotch. I realize now becoming a mother would be a process for me.
