So, I teach 15 year olds on a daily basis. I often have students assume I am much older than I am. I have kids ask me how many children I have. I have kids who think I was born in the 70's (1986 folks!). In other words, I have kids who obviously have a very skewed perception of who I am. It doesn't really bother me that much when someone assumes I am older than I am. I do have an occasional moment where I refer to "Saved by the Bell" or the Spice Girls (yes, I reference the Spice Girls while teaching English) and my kids look at me with the blankest of stares and I realize that I am not 15 years old anymore. But overall, I am still young enough to not worry too much about the age game...most of the time.
Today I was sitting in the gym with about 6 of my 9th grade girls who just recently completed their jr. high basketball season. We were not practicing today so I was just talking to them about different things to do with school. One of my kids asked me what my husband ("I'm not married yet, Emily") was going to get me for Valentine's Day. I realized a couple of things in this moment:
My immediate frustration and correction of the word husband was somewhat unwarranted because in less than 6 months, I will have a husband (who am I?). I also realized that I will probably get flowers for Valentine's Day which is good and great, yet somewhat predictable. I couldn't help but think back to the Valentine's Days Cody and I have spent together where there was so much more than flowers as a gift. And then it happened....
With six 15 year old faces staring back at me, I literally quoted my mother: "Girls, after 5 years of being with the same guy, the gifts only get smaller." It's a phenomenon my mother and I have discussed before regarding how everything that involves extra effort in a relationship shrinks over time. And all of the things that sort of annoy you at the beginning of being together, slowly annoy you to the point of wanting to scream at someone. I don't want to scream at Cody very often. I don't even think he does that many things that annoy me. However, I do have to admit that the super cute things that Cody once did for me on a fairly regular basis have somewhat dwindled. In Cody's defense though, I am certain the extra stuff I used to do for Cody has also become more rare. I think it's human nature to stop working so hard when you realize that what you've got is pretty good.
When I mentioned this deep, philosophical relationship process to my 9th graders, they all looked at me like I was sort of crazy. They are still receiving texts from boys asking them to "go out," which never results in any actual going out. They have never gotten past the point in a relationship where the nice stuff ends. So, in an attempt to not sound like my mom and to not be the overly negative adult, I told the sweetest stories about Cody's past Valentine's Day gift ideas. And we all giggled and laughed and commented about how "hot" my boyfriend is.
The bell eventually rang and the kids left the gym. As one of my students started walking away, she turned to me and said "thank you." I asked her what she was thanking me for and she said "letting us hear about a couple that works." It struck me that a 9th grader could pinpoint that I'm in a relationship that works. Sometimes I get caught up in the big to do of wedding planning and working and coaching and all that is life and forget to just appreciate that I have a good, honest guy that will always come home to me (one day). The same kid told me she liked talking to me because I always seem to know the answers. I felt like such a fraud. I wanted to tell her that I am just as lost as she is. I literally reverted back to Chaffin Junior High on Valentine's Day when everyone got flowers and balloons and teddy bears from some hormone-driven boy they were "going out" with and I never did. I realized in that moment that to 9th graders at the school I teach, I'm the girl who gets the flowers. I am that older person who appears as if they have it figured out. And this is when I felt old. It's not the hypothetical children questions or assumptions that I graduated from high school in the 90's that bother me. But I felt old. I was the 9th grade English teacher that I used to idolize as a 9th garer. It was weird. I don't know what happen to the space between sweaty hand holding and marriage. Either way, perhaps life is about at least looking like you've got it figured out and I was happy to know I had sold the idea to someone, even if they're 15 and very impressionable.
So, this Valentine's Day when those flowers land on my doorstep, I will appreciate that I have a guy who remembers to send flowers. And I will accept that not everything within a relationship has to have bells and whistles...
I sure do love bells, though.
