A year ago tonight I was ringing in the new year in Iceland. Cody and I were fresh off a few days in Denmark, hopping on planes, seeing new things, and constantly remarking on how ridiculously exciting our lives were at that moment. We were crazy alive and demanded to be that way because travelling the world is something twenty-somethings can do only when they don't have children. As the clock struck midnight a year ago, I remember hoping that 2014 might be the year that Cody and I would have to hang up the globetrotting for a while in place of the elusive baby...
Low and behold, on this New Year's Eve I am pregnant. 2015 is officially, God willing, the year of the baby for the Prater's.
I am eighteen weeks pregnant to the day. Early June will bring with it a baby boy, Cody's 29th birthday, and our 5th wedding anniversary.
I have known that I am pregnant since September 29th, and the past three months have been nothing like I envisioned the weeks after learning you are pregnant. The world did not stop turning to allow Cody and I the preferable amount of time to simply sit and reflect and celebrate the end of the infertility battle. I have spent a lot of time at the doctor's office. I have taken a lot of shots. I have worried about progesterone levels. I have told myself that if I can just get to ten weeks and then twelve weeks and then sixteen weeks I can stop worrying about something going wrong. I finally have accepted that I am probably going to need to hold this little guy in my arms before I stop worrying about all of the possibilities associated with creating a human life.
On the last night of this year, I am thankful for so much that has transpired in the past 365 days. I cannot imagine what life will be like a year from tonight. 2015 is going to be the year of love for me. I will get to see Cody be a dad to our baby boy. I will get to see my parents be grandparents to this long-awaited baby.
Finally and most importantly, I will get to meet this little human. He will have a name and a room and those tiny little ears that babies have. He will make really adorable baby noises and really terrible baby noises. He will sleep and not sleep and cry and not cry. He will look exactly or nothing like me. He will act exactly or nothing like Cody. He will be everything and nothing like what I expect he will be, and I am okay with all of that. The older I get the more I understand that plans are for chumps. I am going to love the people I have every day that I get to love them. The past three years have just given me a little extra time to learn how to love a little better.
